i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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