Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
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