Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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