Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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