I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Green mimosas i think yes
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
