I can tuck mytits in my pants
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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