ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
