What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
