my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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