id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
