Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
