he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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