We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
