all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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