I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
