It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think your dad took our porno
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
