I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He kissed a someone with a penis
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
