my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
