ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
