I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize