Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
