No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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