The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she told me i tasted like america
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
