i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
