I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
