theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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