I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
