Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
