I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
