Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
