Porn is love you can see.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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