dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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