My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
