when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
