Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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