So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
