I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
