Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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