Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
