Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
