I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
