So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize