When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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