But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
