everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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