My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
