Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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