Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
