His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
