What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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