if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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