we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
