is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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