I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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