actually, I'm a sock model
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I checked into jail on foursquare
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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