Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
