She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
