I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh god it's open bar.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
