I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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