Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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