Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
