I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
