CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
