If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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