I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
