I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
