ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
