Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Girls should come with a carfax report
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
