Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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