At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
