I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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