lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
