Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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