He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
