So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
