She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
