what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
