I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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