Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize