fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Congratulations! We have a period
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
