i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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