bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
