Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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