omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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