found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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