i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
