just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
