i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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