I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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