So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
