i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
