Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
