I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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