My balls are so social today.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
