I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize