theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
