But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
