1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm passing your future prison.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize