yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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